Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The Tale of a Failure to Approach

Went downtown today to get my hair cut. I love that place. It's got a great atmosphere and my barber is a cool guy. He's in a punk rock band and they put out some pretty good, unpussified music. Being a multimedia creator myself, it means we usually have a lot to talk about.

Anyway, there's a real cutie that works behind the counter at the place with a great rack. In the past I didn't talk to her for anything more than what was necessary. But that was in the past. This time, after months of conscious improvement of myself, I fully intended on at least making a flirty conversation with her.

And with my luck, she wasn't there today.

No big deal of course. 2013 has been a year of great personal development for me, and so I let it slide. I'm still not satisfied of course and I want to keep improving. On the subway ride back home lo and behold there was a very nice looking blonde (natural, no less) with blue eyes (oh be still, my beating heart). In the past I would have snuck in awkward glances at her and think her hopelessly above me, but that was then and this is now. This time, though my eyes were concealed behind sunglasses, I looked right at her with "alpha" body language- feet at shoulder width, shoulders back, head held high. This isn't a big deal since that is mostly my natural state now, after months of exercise and conscious development.

The things that heartiste says about body language just by itself making you feel more confident, let me tell you, are absolutely true. Just standing there like that made me feel great, like a crown was on my head. I casually observed the other chumps around me, standing weirdly or hunched over, or with their heads in their smartphones. I chuckled inwardly. How far I'd come in only a few months!

In addition to that I was thinking about her sexually. I WANTED THIS WOMAN. And I could just feel the anxiety in my head getting BEATEN THE FUCK BACK by these feelings. Steve Jabba absolutely nailed it with this and every man should read these two entries.

But unfortunately, I was facing a logistical situation that was, at best, problematic, especially for a beginner.

Firstly, the girl was wearing headphones. Never an optimal approach, especially in a closed, crowded space like a train.

Secondly, she was seated a good distance away from me while I was standing by the train doors. If I walked too closely toward her from that position, it would likely be obvious what my intentions were. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but too much time had passed for this not to come across as awkward, and the effort I'd need to put in just to get her to remove her headphones, in a crowded area, made it all the worse.

So this left me with one option: wait and see if she got off at my stop. Lo and behold she did.

However, this opened up a new complication. The only way I would be able to open her now would be to do a full-on Yadstop and go direct. I made moves in that direction, but my momentum (the sexual energy) was getting lost and the daunting task of such a tactic- for a beginner who is trying to overcome approach anxiety, was simply too much for me to bear and I pussied out at the last minute.

Sure, it's an excuse. But overall I can't say that I feel too terrible about this. The amount of time made me do some calibration, and in my opinion, she didn't seem very interested in meeting someone today. Also, I can slowly feel my fears dissolving away (if this were a different situation, say me sitting next to her while she was playing with her phone, I would likely have opened her), and I learned some valuable lessons:
  • Don't look in her direction TOO much, especially if she seems closed. I think I did that today, even though I covered it up well with my body language by making it seem that that was my natural position.
  • Get your feet moving toward the girl, if nothing else. I'm glad I did that.
  • Focus more intently on that sexual energy as you're making your move.
  • Failing to open a girl you're really attracted to (I'm not just talking about that random cute girl you happen to see walk by, I'm talking about one you feel a strong sexual desire for) will always feel worse than opening her and getting rejected. How can that be hacked into your brain at the right moment? This is a question I'll have to contemplate.
  • I even had something to say afterward- she did not look like she was from my neck of the woods. Instead she looked like she was from Eastern Europe, perhaps she was a student or something. Lesson? Find something to say. It is FAR easier to find that something than you, my reader, may think.
I still have a long way to go, but I'm mostly satisfied with my actions. Months ago I would never have done any of this. What to do in the aftermath of this? Remember the crown on your head, and ignore the little problems (not being able to get this one girl). Approaching Women Anxiety NYC Subway

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