Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Things to do in 2014

New Years' Resolutions are pretty lame. The large majority of people who say they're going to stick to them fail to. Maybe this is because they set goals that are too big to realistically accomplish, but an even more valid reason is because most people are lazy and take the path of least resistance. They aren't really serious about accomplishing what they say they want to accomplish. My first-ever post on this blog was called "Laziness is a Cancer." It's very true.

I've suffered from laziness and lack of motivation just as much as anyone. 2013 has been a great year for me development-wise. I discovered game at the end of 2009, and started to incorporate some of its lessons (mostly internally), but the laziness bug hit again and I fell off the path. I was just floating like a leaf in the breeze, getting by, as most men do. My mind was of course active, but my body wasn't.

Getting back into things in 2013 has put me on the correct path, but I'm still not where I want to be. I want to take myself to greater heights in the coming year. To that end I've formulated a list of goals that I want to work on- not in gigantic leaps, which is a strategy that's bound for failure more often than not, but goals I can take in little, incremental steps. Roosh's video shows the proper attitude:

Firstly, I need to write a whole lot more. I think this is my most important goal. If there's one thing that's the surest way for me to secure my fame and fortune in this world, my writing is it. I've been working on an epic novel since the end of 2008, and I need to be determined to finish it this year. I hit some writer's block in the past, but my new spirit of motivation has allowed me to bust through it, and it's that momentum that I need to keep (reinforced by other things I do). I really do think the book can be a big winner, not just for me, but for the world of the arts that has suffered from such mediocrity. This isn't me bragging. Almost everyone I've ever met or who has reviewed my writings remarks on how talented of an author I am. To boot, I have some very powerful connections in the publishing industry through family friends. In other words, the talent, and the opportunity are there, and I need to take advantage. My course of self-improvement throughout 2013 has made me see this far more clearly, and is a more powerful force than the writer's block or simple laziness and lack of motivation that I've suffered in the past.

Secondly, I need to put myself in more social situations, and just talk to more people in general. The 18th law of power tells the listener to not build fortresses, because isolation is dangerous. It's true. Though it was never diagnosed, I believe I may suffer from a mild form of social anxiety, which can translate into pretty bad approach anxiety. I think this anxiety comes more from my own beliefs than anything else, however. I can be pretty gregarious if I let myself be, and I'm a pretty good conversationalist. I never had trouble making friends. So I need to change these beliefs and let this better self shine through, little by little. There's a good post on the Roosh V Forums about the mind following the body's lead. I believe this is more or less true. You can try to program your mind to do what you want, but the best programming is real action, which can deliver good experiences and thus, pleasant memories that work as the mind's new coding. We are, after all, the sum of our memories. It's something straight out of Ghost in the Shell, and it's true. I therefore need to take social action- not just in approaching, but in all things.

Thirdly, I need to hit the gym, hard. I started working out again in August and I believe this was the turning point of the year. After that, I've felt great. My discipline encouraged me to take up other good habits, and the testosterone boost naturally made me feel more motivated to get things done. Aesthetics wise, my shoulders have noticeably broadened, my chest is noticeably more muscular, my arms and thighs noticeably bigger, and I have a visible six pack and obliques (not a washboard stomach, but they are visible). These have been good results, and I want to take my workout to the next level now. I'll grow even more confident if I can get my lats to flare up more and if I really can get that washboard stomach, as well as even broader shoulders. Working out harder will also reinforce the other things I want to get done by increasing my testosterone and keeping me motivated.

Fourthly, more money. I think one of the biggest things I need to do is to make my logistical situation better. I want a higher-paying job that will also set me on the path to starting the business I want to start in the future by building a network of clients. How to do this? I need to be more active in looking, that's all there is to it. If I can't become a famous author as described in my first goal, my fallback plan is to become a behind-the-scenes powerbroker in local politics. So, I need to step up to the next level now.

I also want to take greater advantage of my Google Adsense account that goes beyond the tiny sums I'm making with these blogs and my YouTube videos. When it comes to Adsense, I believe forums are the best way to make massive amounts of money, because of the interactivity they encourage. As you know, military history is a long-time hobby of mine, and I might as well use that to make some money. I have experience with forums and networks I can tap into to help the thing get off the ground, and my vision for it is to make it a user-generated multimedia library just as much as a forum- its own brand, so to speak. It's a grand idea, but if the owner of Naruto Forums can make around $50-$60k a year just from that site alone, it speaks for the power of the program when used correctly.

And so there they are, my four major goals to work on little by little in 2014. With the right motivation and peer pressure to help me along, I think they're achievable. But of course, you mustn't take it too personally if you don't achieve what you intended. That puts too much pressure on yourself- another reason why I believe New Year's Resolutions fail more often than not for most people. You must detach your goals from your internal self-worth. And so I will.

Happy new year to all my readers! New Years 2014 Goals Resolutions

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Were You Happy?

A lot of us begin the journey to masculine self-improvement (IE: take the "red pill") because we're unhappy, or full of regret. There's a sort of cognitive dissonance with the self, because we know, to a certain extent, that we've been had. The desire to improve ourselves causes us to start on the road.

Over the past weekend I began to have a lot of doubts. One of my biggest problems is that I'm very self-critical. Even though this allows me to more rationally and fully analyze my mistakes and correct them accordingly, it has its negative side as well: too much self-criticism and you begin to let doubts creep in, which will not serve you in any meaningful capacity on the journey and actively hinder you. Thoughts like "will I ever be good enough?" and "will I be able to achieve my desires?" crept in and caused some significant consternation.

Then yesterday, Quintus Curtius released his latest on Return of Kings: The Anguish of the Manosphere. It seemed to mirror in some ways those feelings I'd had. It reaffirmed what I'd already known for a long time: you need to enjoy your own company first and foremost. Anything else is secondary, and you cannot change others if they don't want to change.

Relaying my comment below:

Is there any more doubt that Quintus is the best writer on this site? And I say that with utmost sincerity.

I've felt this pain. When I was younger I couldn't stand the idiocy of my peers (and still can't), and I withdrew from the world for the most part, with feelings of superiority. But it also made me feel left behind in a way, or in some way strange. I struggled with this and still do. Lack of motivation was pervasive. I just didn't want to do a damn thing, and then paradoxically I felt/feel bad about myself for not doing so.

But you can't change others. It is useless to try. Balance withdrawal with a kingly presence. The best thing I learned through the years is that you must enjoy your own company, first and foremost. Take your crown and above all, do not negotiate your dignity. My upcoming article will tie into this.
Thanks for this post. Gave me a fresh perspective. I'll be coming back to this a lot when feelings of doubt creep in.

Reading Quintus' latest entry made me ask perhaps the supreme question: "are/were you happy?" Despite the doubts I'd had stemming from the situation described above- feelings of being left behind, isolation, lack of motivation, etc. I was happy. I was passionate. I'd built a powerful identity for myself. There was therefore no reason for me to feel regret, and by extension, no reason for doubt. This is the sort of self-acceptance that YouSoWould describes. The feelings of doubt stemmed partially from measuring others. And who really cares about that? Why would a powerful man feel insecure enough to compare himself to others- except to use that envy as a tool of galvanization?

This is self-acceptance. Accept who you are, but also strive to move ever upward. That is the ascent of man. If you were/are not unhappy with your life, there really is nothing to regret. Just go get what you want and leave any doubt behind.

Many people who take the red pill started out very unhappy. I did not. That is a key aspect to identify and mark down, so that doubt and regret will not hold you back from your destiny.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

A Quote From a Friend

A friend of mine said this to me in conversation yesterday:

You have to have a masculine instinct; you have to feel like a man, by which I mean you have to have the drive to conquer, to dominate, to be independent, to rule, to impose your will and carve out your place in the world. To embrace conflict, and danger and be willing to risk everything to assert yourself.

These were very wise words, and ones that I am striving to move toward and live by every day, little by little.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

My No Porn Challenge is Complete

Well, I've gone the full thirty days. I can say confidently that it was worth it. Has it changed my life dramatically? No, but there are some good benefits that came with it.

For starters, ridding myself of the imagery of porn sex has allowed me to have more powerful sexual fantasies. The simple reason for this is that not watching porn means you can't be lazy and let the video do the work for you. This has also increased my sexual drive, which translates into less social anxiety in general and makes me feel more powerful and motivated to get things done. Combined with limiting masturbation, it's a powerful combination.

So, I feel better about myself and have higher self-esteem. While the no porn is probably only part of that, it is still a part. I can't say I'll never watch any porn again, but I certainly won't with any regularity.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Importance of Your Hobbies

Your hobbies are an integral part of your identity. They regenerate the mind and relax the soul. In a world of constant bombardment of nonsense that garbles the mind and often makes one anxious, hobbies are a necessary bastion.

One thing I've learned over the years is that, no matter how stupid or useless a hobby may seem, it can have practical real-world value beyond simple matters of your own pleasure if used properly. So long as your hobby isn't counting blades of grass or the like, you can use it to build a more powerful identity and to help you advance in life.

Let's take a look at some of my own hobbies for example, even the ones that may seem on their face stupid (and let's be honest, we all probably have one or two that fit under that description).

Hobby: Debating hypothetical 'what-if' matches between characters in fiction (and sometimes historical topics as well).
Value: Aside from the vast network of people I've managed to build up with this hobby (which is never something to be underestimated, even online), the manifestations of it made me better at debating, more witty (because the place can be pretty hostile), and impelled me to learn physics and the mathematics to support it- something which had been a burden to me all my life. I'm therefore a more knowledgeable person and I view the universe differently. Throughout it all I learned how to promote myself better as well, and to run a relatively large wiki, which translates into professional prowess. It also reinforces other hobbies that I have.

Hobby: Studying military history.
Value: This one has been a constant in my life. Aside from it making me vastly more knowledgeable about history in general as well as the things we tend to think about when we hear the words 'military history' in unison, it has also made me a better writer. Put simply, I would never have been able to construct the type of epic novel I'm motivated as hell to complete right now without studying this topic. The history of men in arms also has an inspiring effect on the man reading of their exploits. He desires to better himself and show the bravery that they did- and also to learn the lessons of the past and not repeat the bad behaviors.

Hobby: Video making.
Value: The worth of this hobby should never be underestimated. Starting to make videos consistently in 2009 massively improved my prowess as a man. It doesn't matter what the topic is. I make a wide variety of videos on different topics and have a somewhat successful show with a couple of friends. When you make videos, you force yourself to improve your speaking ability and voice dramatically. You will be totally at ease with public speaking by doing this for a few months. This can of course easily expand into talking in other situations. You'll become a better conversationalist as well, thinking faster on your feet, so to speak. Video format also allows you the benefit of examining your body language, and where necessary, correcting weaknesses in it. Another added benefit that shouldn't be overlooked: skill with video making and editing can easily translate into workplace prowess, making you valuable to employers and also helping you to start and promote your own business. Simply put, I recommend this to everyone, particularly guys that are socially awkward. The many benefits for extremely little cost are too large to ignore.

Hobby: Exercise/working out/lifting.
Value: Far, far, too many to list in a short and condensed paragraph. There's simply no excuse not to.

Hobby: Podcasting
Value: I just started this one a couple of weeks ago (as an extension of my fictional debating hobby, which serves as the show's niche). Firstly, it's another great way to put media content out there- valuable in any business, especially in today's world. Secondly, I have guests on my show, which gives me an opportunity to improve my conversational skills.

Hobby: Reading/writing
Value: You increase your knowledge of a wide variety of topics and add many skills to your personal arsenal. You'll be a deeper thinker, a better storyteller, and if you're good or dedicated enough, you can easily make money in this fashion as well.

Those are just a few hobbies that I have, but you get the point. Hell, even playing World of Warcraft or some other game (in moderation of course), can be useful, since as far as I'm aware, you'll be talking to people via voice and thus become a better speaker and conversationalist. The bottom line is almost anything can be useful if you think of the right way to use it. So start looking. Keep to your own hobbies and acquire new ones. All of it will make you a better man.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

The Tale of a Failure to Approach

Went downtown today to get my hair cut. I love that place. It's got a great atmosphere and my barber is a cool guy. He's in a punk rock band and they put out some pretty good, unpussified music. Being a multimedia creator myself, it means we usually have a lot to talk about.

Anyway, there's a real cutie that works behind the counter at the place with a great rack. In the past I didn't talk to her for anything more than what was necessary. But that was in the past. This time, after months of conscious improvement of myself, I fully intended on at least making a flirty conversation with her.

And with my luck, she wasn't there today.

No big deal of course. 2013 has been a year of great personal development for me, and so I let it slide. I'm still not satisfied of course and I want to keep improving. On the subway ride back home lo and behold there was a very nice looking blonde (natural, no less) with blue eyes (oh be still, my beating heart). In the past I would have snuck in awkward glances at her and think her hopelessly above me, but that was then and this is now. This time, though my eyes were concealed behind sunglasses, I looked right at her with "alpha" body language- feet at shoulder width, shoulders back, head held high. This isn't a big deal since that is mostly my natural state now, after months of exercise and conscious development.

The things that heartiste says about body language just by itself making you feel more confident, let me tell you, are absolutely true. Just standing there like that made me feel great, like a crown was on my head. I casually observed the other chumps around me, standing weirdly or hunched over, or with their heads in their smartphones. I chuckled inwardly. How far I'd come in only a few months!

In addition to that I was thinking about her sexually. I WANTED THIS WOMAN. And I could just feel the anxiety in my head getting BEATEN THE FUCK BACK by these feelings. Steve Jabba absolutely nailed it with this and every man should read these two entries.

But unfortunately, I was facing a logistical situation that was, at best, problematic, especially for a beginner.

Firstly, the girl was wearing headphones. Never an optimal approach, especially in a closed, crowded space like a train.

Secondly, she was seated a good distance away from me while I was standing by the train doors. If I walked too closely toward her from that position, it would likely be obvious what my intentions were. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but too much time had passed for this not to come across as awkward, and the effort I'd need to put in just to get her to remove her headphones, in a crowded area, made it all the worse.

So this left me with one option: wait and see if she got off at my stop. Lo and behold she did.

However, this opened up a new complication. The only way I would be able to open her now would be to do a full-on Yadstop and go direct. I made moves in that direction, but my momentum (the sexual energy) was getting lost and the daunting task of such a tactic- for a beginner who is trying to overcome approach anxiety, was simply too much for me to bear and I pussied out at the last minute.

Sure, it's an excuse. But overall I can't say that I feel too terrible about this. The amount of time made me do some calibration, and in my opinion, she didn't seem very interested in meeting someone today. Also, I can slowly feel my fears dissolving away (if this were a different situation, say me sitting next to her while she was playing with her phone, I would likely have opened her), and I learned some valuable lessons:
  • Don't look in her direction TOO much, especially if she seems closed. I think I did that today, even though I covered it up well with my body language by making it seem that that was my natural position.
  • Get your feet moving toward the girl, if nothing else. I'm glad I did that.
  • Focus more intently on that sexual energy as you're making your move.
  • Failing to open a girl you're really attracted to (I'm not just talking about that random cute girl you happen to see walk by, I'm talking about one you feel a strong sexual desire for) will always feel worse than opening her and getting rejected. How can that be hacked into your brain at the right moment? This is a question I'll have to contemplate.
  • I even had something to say afterward- she did not look like she was from my neck of the woods. Instead she looked like she was from Eastern Europe, perhaps she was a student or something. Lesson? Find something to say. It is FAR easier to find that something than you, my reader, may think.
I still have a long way to go, but I'm mostly satisfied with my actions. Months ago I would never have done any of this. What to do in the aftermath of this? Remember the crown on your head, and ignore the little problems (not being able to get this one girl). Approaching Women Anxiety NYC Subway

Saturday, December 7, 2013

My Grandfather, the Dinosaur

Today marks the 72nd anniversary of the bombings at Pearl Harbor, and thus the entry of the United States into World War II.

Like most men of his generation, my (paternal) grandfather signed up to serve, joining the United States Navy after the attack. I don't know a whole lot about my grandfather. I never met him in person, only talked to him over the phone when I was still a boy. He died in 1997 when I was 9. In many ways he was not an example of a man that I want to emulate. I am told that he was obese in his later life. He was a diabetic that still refused to eat properly and take care of himself- no doubt this led to his death. He divorced my grandmother (when it was uncommon, in the 50's) and was not a very active part of my father and uncle's lives.

In his younger days however, he was the epitome of what a man should be- resolved, a pillar of strength supporting his country (at the right time) and people, and a dogged survivor. I would venture that scarcely any men of my generation have a quarter of his strength at that time.

A veteran of the Battle of Leyte Gulf in late 1944, my grandfather was stationed on the miniature aircraft carrier, USS St. Lo. Originally called Midway, it was considered bad luck in naval tradition to rename a vessel, and its fate in the battle seemed to prove it, as St. Lo was the first major vessel to be sunk by a Japanese Kamikaze attack.

My grandfather, aboard the ship at the time, went down with it. He was stuck at sea for three days in shark-infested waters before he was finally rescued. He was a lucky one, as 143 of his comrades on board died or went missing.

I seriously wonder how many men of my generation could live up to this example- to fight and survive the way that he did. How many of us would perish? I personally don't think I could have a shot in hell. Men like that seem to be dinosaurs in this age.

But it is this knowledge that I have his blood in my veins that is a personal inspiration to make myself better as a man. We of Generations X and Y are the grandchildren of men like this, and it is a true embarrassment that we've become so soft over the years, driven by an abundance of wealth and lack of self-discipline.

However these are learned traits, and it is also in our power to become like our grandfathers- bold and brave warriors in our everyday lives that fight for what we want, and survive the onslaught of the enemies of our society.

We will likely never face the hardships they did, but we can nevertheless become better men. The journey is rewarding in itself.

Just to note so as not to slight him, my maternal grandfather also served, joining the Army Air Corps that would later become the USAF after the war, but he was stationed in the Aleutians and never saw action, hence why my paternal grandfather's story is recalled with more reverence on my part. He faced the greater hardship. World War II Battle of Leyte Gulf Pearl Harbor Day USS St. Lo

Friday, December 6, 2013

Analyzing the 10 Scale

Ah yes, the infamous 10 Scale, wherein men rate women's attractiveness on a scale of 1-10. It shows its sophomoric mentality in that there are widespread disagreements. The very nature of the gesture will inevitably lead to exchanges like this:

Guy 1: "You see that chick?! She's definitely a 10!"

Guy 2: "No way, 7.5 at best!"

And so on.

This is because, naturally, beauty is subjective- highly subjective. We can generally all agree on who's attractive and who isn't (especially on who is not just unattractive, but hideous), but this is as far as it goes. Tastes and preferences will vary widely. Yet, the 10 Scale as used in much of the game community is supposed to be a more objective way to measure a woman's beauty- in order to give the man approaching her a general idea and mentality that he will need to have to pick her up (based mostly around the amount of attention she gets). This is obviously a broad stroke. Too broad, in fact, for me to believe it has any true descriptive or predictive power. There's simply too much up in the air. She might be having a bad day, you just might not be attractive to her, no matter what you do, and so on. She might not even get half the attention that, let's say, an "8" is "supposed" to get. When taken to the extreme, the 10 Scale is almost a double-blind tool of measurement.

Nevertheless, this isn't to say it is entirely baseless in reality. Beauty more properly is intersubjective. That is, a woman's overall attractiveness can most accurately be measured by a consensus from a large cross-section of men. When applied to the 10 Scale, she will be placed in the range that the consensus places her in. If most men say she is around a 7, that's where she generally will be.

Obviously this is too broad to be used on any single woman at a particular moment, which again in my mind makes it meaningless to be applied too enthusiastically when trying to pick up a girl.

However, I've played around with the idea of a 10 Scale based on this criteria, and it can roughly be applied based on certain preferences that are more or less universal among men, given the findings of evolutionary psychology:

1: This is a woman that has a grotesque physical deformity. Whether that be caused by birth (presumably under some horribly unlucky star) or by an accident. Simply being in her presence causes a mechanism of revolt in men, who will instinctively try to flee as far as they can- quickly.

2: A woman that does not have a deformity, but is truly ugly. She is likely morbidly obese and has a face that will cause gags on sight, usually with unkempt hair and terrible teeth.

3: This is your typical landwhale. She might even try to take care of herself appearance-wise. Some of these might even be attractive if they simply lost weight. But their weight is simply too big a drag on their attractiveness to warrant attention from any but the most desperate of men.


4: This woman is generally unattractive. She might be a bit fat, but isn't a landwhale or obese. This is what might be described as "homely." However, her unattractiveness is not absolute and she will usually have one feature that might get her some attention- a notable rack or ass for example. Her face will always be unattractive.

5: This is the low-average woman. Her face is OK and she's at least thin. Sometimes she might be a bit chubby but have some compensating factor.

6: The high-average woman. She has a good face and a decent body. She will get her fair share of male admirers.

7: This is an attractive woman. She will have a cute face and a nice body, but something is holding her back from breaking into the stratosphere of attractiveness. Nevertheless, she will be often admired by men.


Most girls will naturally fall into the 4-7 range. Unfortunately, the obesity epidemic is shooting a gargantuan amount of women down into the 3 range. Beyond the 7 range are the well above average girls that most men truly fantasize about.

8: This girl will have a cute face and a solid hourglass figure. T&A will be in ample supply.

9: A true beauty. She will have a face that men dream about (not just a cute one, but a beautiful one) along with her hourglass figure. All of her assets are perfectly in order. This is the type of woman that is celebrated in song and story, that men feel tempted to perform kingly feats in order to woo.

10: You'll find many that say "there is no such thing as a 10, because a 10 implies perfection." This of course merely begs the question of the validity of using a "10 Scale" in the first place. Perhaps the best description of a "10" is this: a 9 with an added feature that suits a man's personal tastes. For instance, I'm generally very attracted to women with blonde hair and blue eyes (a bit vanilla Americana perhaps, but there you go). A "10" to me then, will be a 9 with blonde hair and blue eyes that act as the icing on the cake.

As you can see, a lot of this is still highly subjective. Our definitions of "cute" might vary, for instance. Still, this is the most "objective" 10 Scale I can really think of, which might show some correlation in a scientific survey if carried out.

So, as you might expect, the moral here is to drop the 10 Scale. Not only is it too broad-based to serve as a useful tool when it matters (except to identify the most unattractive women, but who wants to waste time on them anyway?), it also often puts undue pressure on the man. It puts the woman on a pedestal and might prevent a man from expressing his true identity confidently.

Instead of focusing on and worrying about how much attention you think a woman has gotten, it is far better to simply invest in yourself and become an attractive man. Stop worrying about objectifying the women you want or have relationships with on the 10 Scale and start living.

As an alternative, I've adopted Mark Manson's rating system:

Not Attractive: A woman I have no interest in.
Attractive: A woman I would be interested in developing a relationship with, but am not willing to make a large investment in.
Very Attractive: A woman I would be interested in developing a relationship with, and am willing to make a large investment in.

This will be far easier to define, even on an intersubjective level, and what's more, you're basing your rating on your interests, not hers. 10 Scale Women Girls Attractiveness