Friday, April 18, 2014

First Daytime Direct Approach

So, after a somewhat disappointing way to start the business week, I finished it in grand style: by doing my first-ever direct, ballsy, daytime approach.

I've mentioned the girl in question in another post. She wasn't there that day, or the next time I went to get my hair cut. But she was there today. And in a true show of how far I've come, my first instinct was to approach.

I made flirty eye contact with her and we began to talk. I was a bit nervous, but my body language and vocal tones were generally excellent (exercise and video/podcast making REALLY go a long way in just making these two things naturally good). It was just stupid small talk generally. I told her she looked nice, etc. She seemed open. She even asked about my plans for the weekend (very good sign). Of course, I dressed very well.

I didn't want to lose momentum though, and I could feel myself not being able to close the deal then and there, given the social setting. I hung my jacket up and went to get my haircut, exchanging one more flirtatious glance with her, and ignoring her at other times.

My barber's a cool guy and we had a good conversation as always. My plan was to begin flirting with her again and ask her out at the end of the session. Lo and behold, toward the end one of the other employees there began talking with her. Just my luck. Oh well, I KNEW I was not going to get this chance again, at least for a while. Backing out was not an option I would think of. The man that thinks of DOR is not a Navy SEAL.

The situation was against me but I told her I'd like to take her out. I made a joke of not knowing her name but asking her out anyway. This probably put her in a very awkward situation, but I had no choice. She didn't betray awkwardness though. She told me she was "taken." I said that it was perfectly OK and I wouldn't tell anybody. She wouldn't give me her name either (understandable, given the way I framed the thing, she definitely would have if I'd asked it before). She told me to "keep coming."

So either one of two things is going on. She really is taken or she's not and just used that as a way to gracefully exit the situation. Whether she'll continue to be "taken" when a new situation arises remains to be seen.

Overall my beginner status certainly showed, but I think I did OK for someone really just getting into the game. I could have been more dominant earlier I think, but maybe I'm just nitpicking. The most important thing was that I fucking did it. A year ago, hell, probably even a few months ago I would never have had the balls to do this. So I feel very proud of myself for making the attempt.

Approach anxiety: go get nuked.

I plan on turning this in my favor the next time I'm there (provided she is too). I'm going to wonder who she is and call her "mystery woman" or something of that nature. Wish I'd done it this time but these things often escape you in the heat of the moment, especially without too much experience.


  1. Nice work! The first cold approaches are the most difficult, but also the most exciting and educational. Good move ignoring the "taken" comment; that could mean anything. In time, you'll learn to tell the difference between "I have a boyfriend" and "I have a boyfriend."
    Two tips: (1) Don't compliment her appearance. Give her genuine compliments on other things if you feel like it, but it's generally best not to comment on her appearance at all. (2) Instead of asking for a date later, go for the "insta--mini-date." Try to bounce her to another location right then and there, if you have the time, get to know her for a half-hour or so, feel out her potential, then get back to what you were doing. Bona-fide dates are for girlfriends.
    Keep up the good work!

  2. I don't generally buy the "don't compliment her appearance" rule. That is something that is more contextual than anything else. At the very least it weeds out girls that have no interest in you. I didn't have time for a more indirect approach here anyway. Remember the title is "first daytime direct approach."

    Asking for an insta-date in this situation would have been socially uncalibrated, because she was working.

    And yeah, I immediately ignored the "taken" comment because it's often a test or some stupid instinctual objection.

    Thanks for the comment.